


Night Out

by Marvelruinedmyspirit



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2099349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelruinedmyspirit/pseuds/Marvelruinedmyspirit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is for the Marvel RarePair Exchange (Assignment 57).<br/>A few months after Steve and Sam find Bucky, Sam finds what his true feelings are, and he's not the only one with a broken heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Out

It happened a few months after Steve and Sam had found Bucky, wandering in the streets of Chicago. They had been hunting him throughout the country, following the trail of dead Hydra agents that Bucky left behind in each big city. Sam secretly wondered if Bucky did that on purpose, leading them to him without actually asking for help.

Together, with Natasha and, when he was in the US, Fury, they had dismantled what remained of Hydra. Everything was gone in weeks. The other Avengers even contributed when they weren’t busy with their own lives.

Now, they were back to readjusting. Steve and Bucky were trying to get the pieces of their old lives together, even though everything was different and they doubted they could ever fix what had been broken. Natasha was around. They had her phone number, but she had to deal with the world knowing who she was, what she had done. Fury had gone missing again, leaving a note saying that if he was needed, he would come back.

And Sam, well, Sam had gone back to his life. He didn’t know what his life was anymore, but that was all he had, all he had clung to, while on their crazy chase for Steve’s best friend slash brainwashed assassin slash probably the most dangerous human being on the planet. The hope that someday, it would be done, and he would go back to his job and everything would be fine again.

Except that fine was rather boring, as it turned out. Every morning, he went out for a jog, and half expected Steve to be there, to catch him and to be an asshole about it, but Steve was busy with Bucky, and he was alone. Then, he went off to work, and listened to veterans all day. It was a relief, although a guilty one, to hear them talk about their issues. For a while, it made him forget about his own life, about the empty and ever so silent home that was awaiting him.

He thought that maybe he should get a dog.

At night, he called Steve to make sure everything was fine. Usually, everything was. There was a warmth in Steve’s voice that made Sam smile sadly. He was happy that Steve was happy, but it hurt in a dangerous way that the only reason Steve would be ever happy was because Bucky had remembered something from their childhood, or because Bucky had smiled or said something funny. It hurt in a dangerous way that Sam would have wanted Steve to be happy because of him.

It wasn’t right, and, for the seventh time this week, he thought that maybe, getting a dog would be a good idea.

It happened a few months after they had found Bucky. One night, he called, and when Steve answered, his voice was strange, and Sam knew immediately. He pretended he didn’t. He pretended he was okay. He pretended that the idea of Steve and Bucky, together, didn’t bother him, didn’t make him want to punch Bucky in the face.

He listened to Steve, who blabbed about the weather and other things about Bucky that Sam didn’t want to know. When they hanged up, Sam went out for a jog.

It wasn’t the first night he felt the need to run, run out his frustration. It was the best way to forget, to let it all go. He found that running with no other purpose than running was soothing. Like a balm over his wounded heart. It was a beautiful night, although a little cold, the wind refreshing the light sweat on his skin.

He didn’t even know that he felt that way. It had never occurred to him that he might fall in love, not with another man, not to mention Captain America.

He imagined a picture. Steve, Captain America, Steve, holding hands with another man. Steve, holding hands with Bucky.

Steve, holding hands with Sam. No, they wouldn’t. Even if there had been a chance, holding hands wasn’t something they would do.

Another picture flew through his mind, piercing his head as suddenly as if he had been shot; Steve and him, together, their bodies pressed against each other, their lips locked in a kiss, their hands searching beneath each other’s clothes. He imagined Steve, looking at him, and saying the words. He imagined them, in a bed, their clothes ripped from their bodies, free and melting together.

Sam stopped running, blood boiling in his veins. Never had he thought of it this way. He knew that Steve and Bucky’s relationship was undetermined, that there was more than Steve was letting on. After tonight’s phone call, he knew that something had happened, between them, and that he would now avoid coming over to Steve’s apartment without calling to know if it was a good time. But he had never thought that, on his side, Sam might want to have this kind of relationship with him.

Well, in any case, if he had had a chance before, it was doomed, now. And sometimes, he didn’t know when, but sometimes, Steve would ask him to sit, and he would tell him, “There’s something I need to tell you about Bucky and I…”

And Sam would say “You can tell me anything.”

And Steve would say “I’m in love with him. I’ve always been in love with him. We’re a couple.”

And Sam would have to say “If it’s what you want, if it’s what he wants, I’m happy for you two, and I’ll support you”, even though what he would really want to say was “Why did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it be me?”

Only, it wouldn’t matter. Bucky came first, to Steve. He always came first. And Steve would never mean those words for him.

Sam realized that he was just in front of Steve’s building. He wasn’t sure whether it was a coincidence, but he appreciated the irony. He looked up, to the window of Steve’s apartment, but he couldn’t see anything. The lights were off, and the curtains were closed, and the masochist part of him wondered what was happening up there. Maybe a different version of the scene he had imagined. Something bitter ached in his chest.

“Curious, isn’t it?” He heard a voice, behind him, and when he turned, he already knew who it belonged to. A red-haired woman, beautiful, who was looking in the same direction as he had just a second ago.

“What is curious?” Natasha’s gaze didn’t waver, and her long hair was floating around her, carried by the wind.

“It’s not even eight, and they already went to bed. Even for two nonagenarians, one can wonder why they felt so tired tonight.”

One could wonder, and one knew, Sam thought. But he didn’t say anything, because he wasn’t stupid, and Natasha wasn’t stupid, and if he had found out, she had as well. He wondered why she had come here, like him, and if she had, like him, imagined a different version of what was happening in Steve’s apartment.

“I thought I would be here alone”, she admitted, even though he hadn’t asked.

“I thought I would be here alone”, he replied.

“We’re two idiots”, she said. “I knew it would happen. To be fair, I thought it’d be later. Around Christmas. I’ve bet 50 $ with Tony on this.”

“You’ve lost.”

“True, but that’s not the worst thing that happened tonight. It’s just money, you know?” Sam did, and he nodded. “We’re two idiots”, she repeated.

“Well, to be honest, it’s not exactly our fault, it’s Steve’s. He’s being too loveable.”

“That’s hardly something I could reproach him, but you’re right. It is his fault. I mean, you can be a good guy, but at this point, he’s ruining the lives of everyone who knows him.”

Sam let a small smile slip on his lips, full of regret and acceptance. At least he wasn’t alone in this. At least, he had Natasha.

“Well”, he suddenly said, “I’m going home. Wanna grab a drink?”

She stared at him, almost glaring. Her eyes were dark because of the night and because of the pain, but they were still beautiful. He was aware that she was trying to read through him, trying to identify his motives, but she already knew his deepest, most embarrassing secret, and she shared it with him, so he thought that he didn’t have anything else to hide.

“Why not”, she eventually said. “Then you can tell me all about your broken heart.”

“If you tell me about yours, why not”, he replied.

She smirked and took him by the arm, guiding him through the streets, joking cheerfully about his crush on Captain America. It was the beginning of a beautiful night, although a little cold, and Sam had no idea what it would offer, what would happen, but he was okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the Marvel RarePair Exchange. This is the Assignment 57. This is also the first time I use my AO3 account, so... Yey!  
> Oh, and, I'm not a native English-speaker, so, if anything sounds or looks weird, it's totally my fault and tell me so I can correct it.  
> Let me know what you thought, and have a nice day, or night, or both.


End file.
